Amy Schumer Just Got Married And I'm Dying

Imagine my surprise this morning when I opened my Instagram and found out Amy Schumer is effing married. First off, why wasn't I invited? Second, who is this guy? Where did he come from? I THOUGHT WE WERE SECRET BEST FRIENDS, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME AMY?  


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OK gonna calm myself down, that seemed a little cray cray. But srsly, I didn't even know Amy Schumer was dating anyone until that pic she posted on Instagram at Ellen's 60th birthday. 

Also, WTF? They've been dating for like 5 minutes (technically since November as far as we know, but still NOT VERY LONG!). Some people can't even drop a deuce in front of their partners after 4 months, much less marry them. 

So this dude Chris Fischer is a chef. He won a James Beard Award for his cookbook, The Beetlebung Farm Cookbook: A Year of Cooking on Martha's Vineyard. That sounds kinda gross and kinda fancy at the same time which is generally how I like to roll. His restaurant Beach Plum is located on Martha's Vineyard and counts the Obamas as fans. Jeez, way to set the bar low Amy.

Nonetheless, I am totally happy Amy finally found her man. Because #1 dating sucks. And #2 this dude is a chef and she will never have to cook. Just make sure to invite me to the baby shower, K?

Image: Shutterstock

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