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Smells good. Behaves badly.
The Thanks for Having a Big Dick Burnt Marshmallow Funny Candle is a funny candle for friends, coworkers, hosts, and anyone whose home decor could use more personality. Light it when you want the room to smell better and the label to make someone laugh.
A sarcastic scented candle that is significantly more fun than another beige jar.
Important Design Note: All candles feature intentionally distressed typography for a deliberately "messy" aesthetic - this is not a defect but part of the design appeal.
Product Specifications:
Melt It Right: Let that baby burn for a solid two hours on the first go. It's like giving your candle a warm-up exercise. The whole surface needs to turn into liquid wax for a level burn throughout its luxurious life.
Wick Wisdom: Trim the wick to ¼ inch before lighting, and clear out any debris hanging out in the wax pool. It's like giving your candle a spa day before the big performance.
Don't Overcommit: Just like a Tinder date, don't burn your candle for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Too much of a good thing can turn your wick into a rebellious teenager, "mushrooming" all over the place. Plus, nobody likes a smoky room – it's not a barbecue, after all.
Airhead-Free Zone: Keep that flame away from breezy situations. Moving air is like your candle's annoying friend who can't stop interrupting. Say no to pesky black marks and keep the air calm.
Hot Spots and Safety First: Set the stage for your candle's grand performance on a stable, heat-resistant surface. It's the red carpet for your wax superstar, preventing heat damage and glass container drama. And, of course, keep it away from tiny humans and furry friends – safety first, candle magic second!
Guard Your Flame: Like a VIP, your candle deserves constant attention. Don't leave it unattended, because even wax royalty needs a watchful eye.
For people who don’t do “basic” — our candles are here. Whether you're shopping for your bestie, treating yourself, or need a last-minute gift that’ll actually land, we’ve got the perfect option. Anxiety candle? Check. Divorce candle? Obviously. Funny birthday candles with a little attitude? You bet. These candles with funny sayings and no-nonsense names are made for anyone who wants their self-care to come with a side of sarcasm. Because why settle for ordinary when you can light up a wick that gets it?
*Items that ship separately take 2-7 business days to ship.
Shipping & Processing
When will my order ship?
Orders typically ship within 1–4 business days. From November through February, please allow 1–6 business days. Items marked as shipping separately take 2–7 business days to ship.
How long does delivery take?
Standard delivery typically takes another 2–5 business days after shipment. Carrier delays can happen, so arrival dates aren’t guaranteed.
Need it sooner?
Eligible orders with expedited shipping ship by the next business day. Transit time begins after the carrier receives your package. Items that ship separately aren’t eligible for expedited processing.
What does shipping cost?
Shipping options and prices appear at checkout. US orders of $40 or more qualify for free shipping.
Ordering a card?
Cards ship in protective rigid mailers to help prevent bending.
• 50% pre-shrunk cotton, 50% polyester
Heather Sport Dark Navy is 40% cotton, 60% polyester
• Fabric weight: 8.0 oz/yd² (271.25 g/m²)
• Air-jet spun yarn with a soft feel and reduced pilling
• Double-lined hood with matching drawcord
• Quarter-turned body to avoid crease down the middle
• 1 × 1 athletic rib-knit cuffs and waistband with spandex
• Front pouch pocket
• Double-needle stitched collar, shoulders, armholes, cuffs, and hem
