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FLAT $5 SHIPPING. FREE SHIPPING ON ALL US ORDERS OVER $35
Sale
Sale

Caffeinated But Dead Inside Funny Coffee Candle

  • $22.00
Shipping calculated at checkout.

For the ones running on espresso, sarcasm, and sheer spite. This candle smells like a fresh pot of motivation you’ll never actually act on. With rich coffee notes and a hint of “leave me alone,” it’s perfect for pretending you have your life together while quietly spiraling. Long-lasting and deliciously roasty, it’ll carry you through your next existential crisis—one fake smile at a time. Light it up, sip your caffeine, and question all your life choices in style.

Fragrance Notes

Top
Coffee

Middle
Caramel, Sugar

Base
Vanilla, Milk

Product Details

PLEASE NOTE ALL CANDLES HAVE DISTRESSED FONTS. THEY ARE PURPOSELY DESIGNED TO LOOK "MESSY."

8 oz
Soy wax
Clear gloss glass jar
Gold brushed metal lid
3.5 inches tall by 2.75 inches wide
Burns for 50 hours
Comes in a box

Candle Care + Safety

  1. Melt It Right: Let that baby burn for a solid two hours on the first go. It's like giving your candle a warm-up exercise. The whole surface needs to turn into liquid wax for a level burn throughout its luxurious life.

  2. Wick Wisdom: Trim the wick to ¼ inch before lighting, and clear out any debris hanging out in the wax pool. It's like giving your candle a spa day before the big performance.

  3. Don't Overcommit: Just like a Tinder date, don't burn your candle for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Too much of a good thing can turn your wick into a rebellious teenager, "mushrooming" all over the place. Plus, nobody likes a smoky room – it's not a barbecue, after all.

  4. Airhead-Free Zone: Keep that flame away from breezy situations. Moving air is like your candle's annoying friend who can't stop interrupting. Say no to pesky black marks and keep the air calm.

  5. Hot Spots and Safety First: Set the stage for your candle's grand performance on a stable, heat-resistant surface. It's the red carpet for your wax superstar, preventing heat damage and glass container drama. And, of course, keep it away from tiny humans and furry friends – safety first, candle magic second!

  6. Guard Your Flame: Like a VIP, your candle deserves constant attention. Don't leave it unattended, because even wax royalty needs a watchful eye.

Why You'll Love Our Candles

For people who don’t do “basic” — our candles are here. Whether you're shopping for your bestie, treating yourself, or need a last-minute gift that’ll actually land, we’ve got the perfect option. Anxiety candle? Check. Divorce candle? Obviously. Funny birthday candles with a little attitude? You bet. These candles with funny sayings and no-nonsense names are made for anyone who wants their self-care to come with a side of sarcasm. Because why settle for ordinary when you can light up a wick that gets it?

Shipping and Processing

*Items that ship separately take 2-7 business days to ship.

SHIPPING

Why does it cost $5 to ship a card? Cards must be shipped in a rigid flat mailer to prevent bending during transit. Cards cannot be shipped with a stamp, in an plain envelope or any other material. 

When will my order ship?

Items ship within 1-4 business days except for between November - February when shipping time is 1-6 business days.

What if I need it sooner?

If you choose expedited shipping, your package will ship by the following business day.  Items that ship separately ship are NOT eligible for expedited shipping.

Priority: 1-3 business days

Ground: 1-5 business days

2 Day - 2 days

3 Day - 3 days

Overnight - Overnight

Please note these are counted after the carrier picks up the item. Carrier can experience unforseen delays which is Crimson and Clover Studio is not responsible for. 

How long will it take to get to me?

Packages generally take 2-7 business days to arrive after shipping unless expedited shipping is chosen. For more info please refer to USPS or UPS's websites for transit times.

USPS/UPS do NOT guarantee delivery times. Therefore Crimson and Clover CANNOT guarantee delivery times. 

TRACKING

You will receive tracking info once your item is shipped.

NON US CUSTOMERS

Please note the buyer is responsible for paying any taxes upon arrival in their home country. Any packages that are sent back because the buyer refused to pay taxes will not be refunded. 

More questions? Check our our FAQ.

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For the ones running on espresso, sarcasm, and sheer spite. This candle smells like a fresh pot of motivation you’ll never actually act on. With rich coffee notes and a hint of “leave me alone,” it’s perfect for pretending you have your life together while quietly spiraling. Long-lasting and deliciously roasty, it’ll carry you through your next existential crisis—one fake smile at a time. Light it up, sip your caffeine, and question all your life choices in style.

Fragrance Notes

Top
Coffee

Middle
Caramel, Sugar

Base
Vanilla, Milk

Product Details

PLEASE NOTE ALL CANDLES HAVE DISTRESSED FONTS. THEY ARE PURPOSELY DESIGNED TO LOOK "MESSY."

8 oz
Soy wax
Clear gloss glass jar
Gold brushed metal lid
3.5 inches tall by 2.75 inches wide
Burns for 50 hours
Comes in a box

Candle Care + Safety

  1. Melt It Right: Let that baby burn for a solid two hours on the first go. It's like giving your candle a warm-up exercise. The whole surface needs to turn into liquid wax for a level burn throughout its luxurious life.

  2. Wick Wisdom: Trim the wick to ¼ inch before lighting, and clear out any debris hanging out in the wax pool. It's like giving your candle a spa day before the big performance.

  3. Don't Overcommit: Just like a Tinder date, don't burn your candle for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Too much of a good thing can turn your wick into a rebellious teenager, "mushrooming" all over the place. Plus, nobody likes a smoky room – it's not a barbecue, after all.

  4. Airhead-Free Zone: Keep that flame away from breezy situations. Moving air is like your candle's annoying friend who can't stop interrupting. Say no to pesky black marks and keep the air calm.

  5. Hot Spots and Safety First: Set the stage for your candle's grand performance on a stable, heat-resistant surface. It's the red carpet for your wax superstar, preventing heat damage and glass container drama. And, of course, keep it away from tiny humans and furry friends – safety first, candle magic second!

  6. Guard Your Flame: Like a VIP, your candle deserves constant attention. Don't leave it unattended, because even wax royalty needs a watchful eye.

Why You'll Love Our Candles

For people who don’t do “basic” — our candles are here. Whether you're shopping for your bestie, treating yourself, or need a last-minute gift that’ll actually land, we’ve got the perfect option. Anxiety candle? Check. Divorce candle? Obviously. Funny birthday candles with a little attitude? You bet. These candles with funny sayings and no-nonsense names are made for anyone who wants their self-care to come with a side of sarcasm. Because why settle for ordinary when you can light up a wick that gets it?

Shipping and Processing

*Items that ship separately take 2-7 business days to ship.

SHIPPING

Why does it cost $5 to ship a card? Cards must be shipped in a rigid flat mailer to prevent bending during transit. Cards cannot be shipped with a stamp, in an plain envelope or any other material. 

When will my order ship?

Items ship within 1-4 business days except for between November - February when shipping time is 1-6 business days.

What if I need it sooner?

If you choose expedited shipping, your package will ship by the following business day.  Items that ship separately ship are NOT eligible for expedited shipping.

Priority: 1-3 business days

Ground: 1-5 business days

2 Day - 2 days

3 Day - 3 days

Overnight - Overnight

Please note these are counted after the carrier picks up the item. Carrier can experience unforseen delays which is Crimson and Clover Studio is not responsible for. 

How long will it take to get to me?

Packages generally take 2-7 business days to arrive after shipping unless expedited shipping is chosen. For more info please refer to USPS or UPS's websites for transit times.

USPS/UPS do NOT guarantee delivery times. Therefore Crimson and Clover CANNOT guarantee delivery times. 

TRACKING

You will receive tracking info once your item is shipped.

NON US CUSTOMERS

Please note the buyer is responsible for paying any taxes upon arrival in their home country. Any packages that are sent back because the buyer refused to pay taxes will not be refunded. 

More questions? Check our our FAQ.